Human relationship

Human relationships. One of the hardest equation, complexity further added with variations of characters, emotions and perspectives. The world is made up of inter-twined relationships and with it comes business, friendship and marriage. Boss to staff, husband to wife, friend to friend, parents to children. Complicated relationship created when boss and staff turned friends, colleagues turned to lovers, husband and wife turned to business partners, etc. Handling complication is something not everybody is used to, certainly not within a lifetime. There ain’t just not enough encounters of such for you to learn, after all you only get to live once. One does not have enough experiences to handle them well, they learnt through mistakes and honestly how many mistakes can they afford to make before they ruined the relationship?

Trying to handle human relationship is something not everybody is good at, people tried and think that they can, well, to a certain extent. You see a pastor able to handle his people well and back home argued with his wife most of the time. You see every colleague like their boss but his friend think he is a bastard. You seen it before, and you may been there.

Everyday we are living out to handle different species of human, from morning with your wife, husband or parents, afternoon with business partners or colleagues to night time with friends.

Everyday emotions flying all around our life, to make us happy, sad, angry, frustrated etc.

Everyday is nothing but just…mere passing the time of life.

Yes, looking at life from a broader perspectives, you realized that all these are just part and parcel of passing time. Time flies. Everyday passed like a zooming ferrari, it is no wonder that some people decided to ignore the ruined relationship and don’t intend to salvage it. Others just pretended nothing happens, only few took the effort to look into it.

Question is, can we afford to be overly concerned and try hard to please everyone? If a relationship is ruined, what must we do? Should we always bend over backward just to save a relationship?

I remembered what my pastor always said, “if you love them, just do the right thing”

If you love them and you had done your best in your way of relationship with others, you no longer need to be bothered by their reaction and their own perspective. Their response back to you may not be what you hope for but for that, you need to manage yourself from within, understanding that people are just different.

When it comes to human relationship, it is not about handling them well so that they all like you, it is about loving them, doing the right thing and most importantly handling yourself in the way of your reaction and response to it.

Do the right thing, say the right words, be responsible and don’t hide. This IS the best advice.

Of course, part of being human is our unavoidable emotions that reacts to our surroundings, circumstances and people. Even if we do the right things and others still made us sad due the different in perspective, it is unavoidable that we will be disappointed. So that is why we must learn how to control our emotions.

Emotions will not get us anywhere, learning how to control them will prevent us from disappointments and hurts that they had caused.

Therefore, to live in the world full of people, learn to love them without asking for a good return, unconditionally that is. And lastly take control of your own life and your own emotion.

Remember, we all only live once.

The depth of our life

It has been a while. A very long while. Not because of laziness, but purely the lack of inspiration that prevented the ink from flowing. Why now? Why this morning? Well, not sure, but I love the sudden interest and the mood that draws me to start writing. Maybe I do need an outlet after all.

Depth of our life. What a title. But that is what comes to my mind the moment I woke up and want to blog about it.

Too much things happening in everyone’s life. Career, making a living, family, learning etc. Non-stop. Just keep going, on and on, 7 days a week, 31 days a month, 365 days a year. Before you know it, 5 years, 10 years have past. Looking back, we reviewed our “performance” and evaluate our life, gauging how far we have gone and how well we achieved.

But hang on for a second, is that what is all about? Is this what coming to our Mother Earth and start living life is about? Is this what our 80-90 years of our time here is about?

Deep. Very deep. But let’s do not escape from this. Think about it.

Everybody can pass through life easily, like I said, just keep going, on and on. What separates a meaningful life from a normal one? What separates you from the rest? It is not about how much we do, not even how well we do. Something has to summarize what we do. Perhaps an objective? Perhaps a purpose?

That’s right, a purpose. Life purpose. One word, one sentence, one statement, must be enough to tell others about you. That statement, should be what others think about you.

In everything that we do, no matter how busy, we should not waste our time so easily. It will, very quickly, eats up our life and before you know it, many years have past.

The fulfillment of life comes by a life purpose. That will form the depth of our life, the way I like to call it. This depth will find you a meaning, this depth will encapsulate all the directions that you are heading and thing that you do.

It can be “making a difference in the society we lived in”, it can be “making a legend for yourself”. With this, and together with the Creator that is going to see through that you are constantly reminded of this and support you, that fills the void of your life that no one can fill, that fills up that emptiness of life that nothing else can fill.

To me, my life purpose is just two words, “Touch Lives”. Touching lives where I go, whatever I do and whoever I know. For me, I am still trying, one at a time.

So what is yours? Have you decided?

Must you do it? Well, depends on how well you understands what I am talking about, depends on “the depth of your life”. You should, if you ask me, but again, like I always said, it is how you run your life. I shall leave that decision, always, to you…

A message

God is the only one with a message.

It’s a message of hope and urgency, because he’s not gonna wait much longer. His message is a simple one.

We’re all connected. Our hopes and our dreams, our children’s future reflecting back in each other’s eyes. We fight our own personal battles.

But we know we’re not alone. Because only together can we make our short time on this planet mean something.Only together can we be the stewards of our own destiny.

And we hold in our collective hearts, one noble goal.

To save ourselves, save the world.

The Strength of a man

The strength of a man isn’t seen in the width of his shoulders.
It’s in the width of his arms that encircle you.

The strength of a man isn’t in the deep tone of his voice.
It’s in the gentle words he whispers.

The strength of a man isn’t how many buddies he has.
It’s how good a buddy he is with his children.

The strength of a man isn’t in how respected he is at work.
It’s in how respected he is at home.

The strength of a man isn’t in how hard he hits.
It’s in how tender he touches.

The strength of a man isn’t in the hair on his chest.
It’s in his heart, that lies within his chest.

The strength of a man isn’t how many women he’s loved.
It’s in being true to one woman.

The strength of a man isn’t in the weight he can lift.
It’s in the burdens he can carry.

via Pulpit Helps
June, 2002

Micro-Management Addiction

Most micro-managers would never admit it, but micro-management is an addiction. It’s a dependence on controlling others, fussing about minor details, and being concerned about the way things are done rather than in the results achieved. Micro-managers typically ask for status, data and reports from their subordinates more often than they could possibly need for constructive intervention. They tend to double check people’s work, always on the lookout for something wrong.

This kind of behaviour is a sign of a manager in trouble – a supervisor who routinely points out minor flaws and spends all his time trumping up his efforts at fixing them, while not having the faintest idea of how the organization can advance as a whole. This kind of manager attempts to mask the symptoms but doesn’t think about finding the cure.

Urge for control is a symptom of fear, insecurity, lack of confidence and lack of trust. The root cause of micro-management, basically, is Fear. Fear of appearing incompetent, fear of losing one’s position or authority, fear that one’s subordinates may take over one’s role or importance.

Whether you yourself are showing signs of micro-managing others or it’s one of your middle managers, it’s important to realize that micro-management is hurting your organization. It jeopardizes employees’ job satisfaction. There is no room left for advancement of the subordinates, as the micro-manager-boss does not relinquish responsibilities. This gives rise to resentment among employees. Sub-ordinates are so afraid of the constant criticism and so fed up with the constant follow up of the boss that they no longer take enough interest. Creativity dries up. Motivation level drops with plummeting morale. Productivity becomes the obvious victim.

Micro-management is a management strategy with great or excessive control with attention to too many details. Micro-managers manage with rules, formulas, data, laid-down procedures, straightjacket budgets, and financial ratios. They are so involved in the details of what happens in the organization that they do not have time for doing the strategic plan and obviously they miss the big picture.

If you are micro-managing, you obviously feel insecure about something. It could be your company’s disappointing results, it could be pressure from higher level managers, it could be that you’re afraid of being replaced, of losing your job. Whatever the case, understand that micro-managing is not the solution. It eats away at your workers, it eats away at you, and it’s killing your organization.

So if you’re turning to micro-managing in order to feel important or in control, how can you get out of the trap?

First and foremost, realize that you are not the sole guardian of the organization’s welfare. It’s a team effort, and if the right people are empowered to do their jobs, and indeed, allowed the time and space to do their jobs properly, then your company has a good fighting chance.

Stay focused and keep your employees focused on a clear vision of the company – where you want your company to go, what you want your company to achieve. Be ever vigilant of getting sucked into a time-and-energy-wasting whirlpool of trivial issues.

Grow into the leader you can be and stop hiding behind menial tasks. Successful managers chase opportunities and lead people to success. Make things happen instead of waiting for things to happen.

Delegate the day-to-day routine functions to make sufficient time to keep a tab on industry news, to study the competitors, to plan for the future – that’s the strategic planning that will take your company further, not the day-to-day logistical, mechanical details. The danger is not some slip-up an employee may make; the real danger is the neglect of critical management functions.

Tolerate failures. Allow mistakes to happen. When people realize that they are not punished for risk taking, they will take more risks. Think which is more cost-effective. Allowing for mistakes by employees and encouraging them to fix their own problems? Or paying the price of de-motivated, resentful employees sabotaging you and all your good work?

And learn to praise rather than criticize. Nobody likes a micro-manager who makes them feel like kids in a kindergarten. You’ll see your workers becoming happier and more efficient, you yourself will begin to feel better and more assured, and your organization will naturally do well. 😉

Recipe Vs Ingredient

You see him in the kitchen with all the measurement containers, thermometer and timer. He has a lot of the cookbooks and recipes. He is the one who records all the cooking TV programs and tell his friends that he also know how to create such dish. A very good copier. To him, cooking is a science. He is your Recipe Person.

 Let’s meet the Ingredient Person. He is creative. He is the one who looks around the kitchen to see what are available, taking all the available spices and start smelling them, feel the raw food and start cooking. He estimates the amount of sauce. He grabs a handful of ingredients and knows that it is just enough. To him, cooking is an art. He treats the kitchen like a canvas and he is that food painter. 

Whilst it is good to follow the books, read the Best Practices and remember the steps given by the coach, yet mastering that aspect of your field requires greater depth. It eventually makes you treat it like a piece of art, almost like being an artist. 

Moving from a Recipe Person to an Ingredient Person requires deeper understanding, more experiences and lastly, practice, practice and more practice.

 The difference between a Recipe Person and an Ingredient Person is significant. Many tried to master the profession by following the recipes, they will only reach a certain limit. But it is those who truly understands the individual ingredients in it that can achieve higher heights and achievements.

So having know that and looking at your own life, ask yourself this:

Are you a Recipe Person or are you an Ingredient Person? 

What if…..

You might not notice it. But it is hidden in a lot of conversation. Yes, the word “What if”.

I came to a conclusion that this is probably one of the most powerful words around. In today’s context, society and economy circles around these words, creating business opportunities, fostering leadership and improve project planning. Disaster Recovery Plan begins with it, Insurance policy starts with it and good operation planning always have alot of “What if”‘s.

Many things can be achieved by this “What if”, similarly many things might not able to be achieved with this. You probably can relate to many incidents when people told you or ask you something and begin with the word “What if…”

“What if something happens?” “What if we don’t do this..” What if this is an opportunity”

It caused you to make a decision without knowing the next move, the next step or the result. It caused you to think through carefully and based on your experiences, trying to make a judgement call.

But most importantly it gives you a chance to exercise faith. Yes, the word “What if” branched out 2 paths; Faith and Fear.

In the absence of faith, fear steps in. Similarly if there is no fear, faith exists.

We should always press forward for a positive result and outcome. When “what if” is presented in a negative way, reverse that and asked back with the presence of faith.

“What if we do this and it fails?”, BUT “what if we do it and it is successful?”

Whilst we cannot eliminate the element of risk, but yet we should never stop trying to exercise faith and calculate that risk.

Don’t let the “What if” scare you off, face it, think through and challenge it back.

What if you do what I said and you become a better person? Is it worth a try? 😉 

Pinhole of Perception

I was playing with my camera one day, snapping away some still objects, trying to kill some time. After 5 minutes, I got bored, aiming at almost everything and clicking away, I felt that it is pretty pointless.

So I told myself, do a small exercise, within 60 seconds, look for all objects that are yellow-tinted. Suddenly, the shooting become challenging. I went looking for objects all over the house. Okay, next, now all objects that are round, GO!

Yes, I know, you must be thinking how self-entertaining I am. Well, it is always better to have certain objectives in mind than to be lost at doing something, even when we are killing times. 😉

But isn’t this amazing? Looking at things through the eye of pinhole. The result of it are things that you selectively wanted to see. If you want to report how boring a party event is, simple, take a camera and shoot at all those lonely people sitting by the corner drinking, or people that don’t smile, looked bored etc. Your party event will look really boring through the eye of the pinhole. Alternatively, you can snap at happy people, laughing people, people that are in the party mood and all of the sudden, your party event looks like a real success!So in actual fact, is the party event really boring or really fun?

Welcome to the world of perception, where everything is judged based on the way you looked at it through your own pinhole. All of us have our own perception, how we looked at things, how we looked at people, and certainly how we looked at life itself. To some, this world is full of hope, dreams and pursuits. To some, they always believe in the goodness of people but to some, they felt everybody is for themselves and very self-centered.

I know of a family man that was being retrenched by his boss due to down-sizing and yet he can tell you that his boss is doing the right thing. Another friend of mine, who also got retrenched, ended up cursing and blaming his boss for all the things he put him through. So who are we to say who is right and who is wrong? Again, different people, different perception.

We lived in a world of our own, literally speaking. Yes there is only one planet earth, but there are different worlds within the same planet. To each its own world, I must say.

The world that we lived in, unfortunately or fortunately, is created, crafted and designed by our very own self. Of course there are circumstances and experiences that shaped our perception towards the world we lived in but again, they can only influence us. Our world is still basically what we choose to see, what we choose to hear and what we choose to believe.

Did you pick up the keyword that I just mentioned? Yes, the keyword is “choose”.

There is a choice to perception. Whilst it is hard to change perception, yet God gives us each a free will. The power and the ability to choose. Altering your perception in life is a decision away, but it takes you to recognize that you are looking at the wrong pinhole. You must first realized that your perception is not doing you any good.

How to change? How you change shift the focus of your camera is how you change your perception. The way you used to think, change it. The way you looked at people, start giving the benefits of doubt. The way you looked at life, start smiling at it. The next thought that you entertained in your mind must be questioned, think through and approved by you before processing it.

So, you ready to play the camera game? If you are, stop snapping at objects you used to snap and now within the next future of your life, snap at other objects with a different perception, this time round, a better one… 

When doing the right thing ain’t enough…

There is always a constant struggle between right and wrong, human tends to get confused at times when making a decision due to many factors like emotions, environments, peer pressures etc. A more disciplined group of people will always train their heart and mind to follow a certain pattern of behavior that they are very comfortable with whilst another group of people will seek for opinions/advice and consent before making that move.

As they always said, “Always do the right thing”. Always do what is right, always follow what majority will deem as right or always make that decision where your conscience is clear.

I would like to drill down a little deeper.

We operate in an environment where we are surrounded by 3 key influences; people, culture and society. Our decisions and beliefs are indirectly conditioned by these. When we are in a country that believes in human rights and freedom, our decisions and beliefs are conditioned by it. When we are in a religious environment that teaches good and evil and believes in the Higher Power, our decisions and beliefs will be conditioned by it too.

Therefore, the career we choose, the life partner that we decided to commit or the lifestyle that we want, indirectly being encapsulated by this environment that we lives in. People, Culture and Society indirectly grab a hold of our life, telling us what is the right thing to do.  Peer pressures set in, people’s opinions set in and rules set in. You will think you had made the right move, afterall everybody around you is approving of your decision, giving their thumbs up to the decisions you made.

But give it another 5 years, 10 years or 20 years, you see people starting to change their career, from a corporate executive to a food stall owner. Some started to find incompatibility in their spouse and divorce seems like the only way out. There will be also this group of people who will tell you they are going to make a drastic change in their life. Some decided not to believe in the Higher Power where they used to be comfortable in and choose to go their own separate way.

Ever wonder why?

Doing the right thing is good, but not enough. It requires something else, something more concrete that can anchored your decision into the rock of foundation.

It requires your TOTAL conviction..from your heart.

To be totally convinced and convicted yourself that you believe strongly in this and not others, not what the environment think is right and definitely not what seems right.

Like they always said, “It has to come from within”. That is why it is so difficult to teach people to have a change of heart, a change of mindset. People can tell you what is the right thing to do, but ultimately it has to be based on your conviction and your heart to make that decision. Else that move that you made might not lasts.

It takes your skills/talents to reach to the top, it takes your character to sustain it there. It takes only a moment to pen down the marriage certificate, it takes your convicted heart and your whole commitment to make that marriage lasts.  It takes not much effort to be in church with a group of friends socializing together every weekend, it takes your convicted heart and your life commitment to follow Him and not plain wasting time.

So start strengthening your character and seek to have a change of heart, in preparation for the cross junction ahead where you need to make that decision, the right one… 

Junction of mixed feeling

Many had encountered that. Many dealt with that before. You want to plunge straight into the emotional whirlpool from the news that you had received, yet you can’t because the other part of the news suggested you otherwise.

Welcome to the world of mixed feeling..

A loyal employee who stayed with the company for more than 15 years finally been headhunted for a new job that offers twice his wages.

A soon-to-be father who had discovered the death of his unborn child but doctor managed to save the mother’s life from a major complication procedure.

A local well-liked person had received an attractive offer to work overseas which need him to uproot himself away from his friends and the comfort that he had lived in.

You want to react. You want to cry. You want to be happy. But all of the sudden, you do not know how to response. Your emotions, at this point of time, do not overtake you. They are lost. They need a direction.

Lower degree of mixed feeling suggested many to swing their emotions to and fro. At a higher degree, many simply do not know how to react.

When this happens, something else takes over.

Your understanding that the story of your life needs some turning points in order to reach the ending.

Your maturity in knowing that something bigger is setting you up to the destiny you are called to be.

And your heart will know that the changes is for the better.

So when you are at the junction of mixed feeling, stay calm, do not react. Smell the morning dew and continue to enjoy the journey ride that your life is offering to you.